Like vs. Love

I recently started teaching English classes downtown. My class is pretty comfortable, but not what I would call advanced. My classes are on Monday and Tuesday from 6-7 PM. On the first day of class I didn't really have anything planned so I just showed up and hoped to get ideas from the class on what we should do this session. They know things they have already covered and things they need/want to know. No one really had a lot to say. My next bright idea is to tell them "Okay, how about you ask me questions about myself so you can get to know me."

This is a class full of guys and one girl. The first question, then, is: "Do you have a boyfriend?" and the following conversation ensues:

"No, I don't."
"If God told you you were supposed to have a Haitian boyfriend, would you listen?"
"Oh, did God tell you we were supposed to be together?"
"Yes."
"Well, he didn't tell me that, but if he does I will let you know."
The entire class laughs.

The questions only get stranger from here. Like "If I get a girl pregnant in the US and then leave for Haiti, what is the law?" Excuse me? I don't think there's a law for that... I wasn't sure how to respond to this one... They aren't going to send you the child in Haiti, I'm sure of that.

Tuesday I had a lesson planned on pronunciation because the students tend to have trouble with words beginning with vowels; they put an H sound at the beginning of "ear" for instance--completely changing the meaning of the word. That turned out to be a really good lesson and helpful for them with different vowel sounds. When we finished I asked if they had any questions. This question turned out to be "What is the difference between like and love?"

In Kreyol, there is only one word for both- renmen.
M renmen ou. = I love you.
M ta renmen bwe ti dlo. = I would like to drink a little water.

A common misconception is that "like" is for things and "love" is for people. I like bananas. I like to read. I love my mom. I love my husband. I love my friend. I love you. At first, I thought a good way of explaining this is that the different lies in HOW MUCH you feel for whatever it is you're talking about. I told them, I love my mom, I love my best friends, I like drinking juice, and I like walking, but also that I like the people I work with, I love to read, and I love swimming. I told them that random people on the street that don't know me can't love me. I explained that I don't like when someone comes up to me on the street and tells me "I love you." Especially when they tack baby on the end of it. I told them you can't love someone if you don't know them.

They didn't buy it. They told me, "Teacher? Teacher, no. No, I think you're wrong." They said, "But, I do love you." Okay, I needed to come at this from a different angle. Being that Haitians are a very religious people for the most part, I tried bringing Jesus into the explanation. I told them, "You know how Jesus taught us to love every other human? That is okay. I do love you all because you are people and we all need to care for one another, but there are different kinds of love. That kind is okay. But there is also romantic love... and that's usually when you tell someone you love them. For instance, when we leave tonight I am not going to tell you 'Have a good night, I love you.' I would only say that to my friends and family."

I still do not think the explanation was clear. After that, I had to tell them that I think we are having a problem explaining cultural differences and not language differences. Because they also did not really understand when I told them I ignore guys on the street that make kissy noises or call me Baby or any of that. They didn't understand why I didn't like people telling me they love me on the street. How am I supposed to explain that? (Please! If you have any ideas on how to explain like vs. love leave a comment and let me know! Or even just tell me what YOU think about the difference.. I think this is a really interesting cultural difference...)

My housemates and I discuss this often because it is such a part of our every day. We walk by TONS of people all the time, and have the opportunity to meet people all over. Getting in with girls is best, because mostly they'll just make fun of you until they know you. Guys it's easy to get in with because everyone wants to learn English (supposedly). We always wish we could meet good people to hang out with. For instance- non-sketchy guys who don't say I love you blah blah blah. However, we have had to re-evaluate what "sketchy" means to us here. Now we have begun realizing that in this culture, it's okay to approach a female like that. To them, loving someone upon meeting them is okay.

There's also a problem with people knowing just a little English, especially when they think it's good English or have no idea what they are actually saying. "Hey bitch..." is not the way to get a good reaction. Nor is it a good idea to text a new American friend good night and tell them you want to listen to their sexy voice before you go to sleep. On the other hand, people with good English, or people who have spent a lot of time with Americans, seem to understand this cultural difference between us and tone the intensity down a lot. I realized on my first trip to Haiti that relationships and interactions can be very intense. They are genuine and beautiful, but it's hard coming from the culture I've grown up in (esp. in CT) and being so vocal with people you've just met.

After spending two days with a health agent, Maude, in her village, I ended up with a God-daughter. Maude told me she loved me halfway through the first day and that she was going to miss me. My God-daughter calls me to see how her God-mother is and to tell me she misses me. I can deal with the intensity of that kind of relationship. Those friendly, between women, interactions are ones I am comfortable with. It's not easy for me to jump in with I NEVER SEE YOU I MISS YOU MY HEART HURTS etc. but I can hear it and appreciate it and respond. Even if we feel these things, I feel like American culture would never allow us to say it. And especially not in such an overt, genuine, and articulate way. Even with people we feel really close to, we cannot even be open with our feelings. I do not really have this problem; I wear my heart on my sleeve. This may be why I can deal with the theatrics of social interactions here.

Being in another culture is an amazing way to really look at the culture you come from. I have learned so many things here, and hope I can bring them back with me when I return. The number of ways we embarrass ourselves at home is ridiculous. From awkward silences to tripping up the stairs to dancing in public. I am already comfortable dancing here even though I am horrible. I still don't sing and no one understands why (maybe I should and then they'd understand) because they don't only do things when they are GOOD at them, but when they LIKE to do them (or love to do them... whatever.) I will never get over the singing thing, but dancing is a big step for me.

Or, even stranger is the extremely fun and repetetive action of picture taking. We ALWAYS smile, or do a thought out silly face. But here they will get into a serious pose because they want a nice picture. Seriously, if a guy at home was like wait- and went and stood with their hands together looking to the sky, wouldn't everyone make fun of him a little bit? Or feel embarrassment FOR him? I know I get embarrassed for people sometimes, and I'm sure tonnnns of people get embarrassed for me all the time. But people just do what they want, and in this case, it's not anything to be ashamed of.

So, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. One of the biggest lessons I am learning.